Another week has come and gone, it's Friday. Everyone's getting ready to go out and have a great weekend. My husband is coming over tonight to spend the weekend with me. We'll be packing up some more of my stuff to get ready to move. In two weeks I will leave my beautiful house on the river and will finally be living with the man I'm supposed to be with again. After 5 years of marriage, 2 months of separation, and 8 months of "re-dating", I should be excited about this, right?
Well, excited wouldn't exactly be the right word. Am I happy to not have to go to work tomorrow? Yes. Am I happy to spend time with my husband this weekend? Yes. Am I excited about moving into a new home with the man I love? Yes. So what's the problem, right? I'm losing one thing that I've gotten very used to over the last 10 months- privacy. When the weekend comes and we're a family again, I lose my "me time". I also lose the ability to hide my ed so well. When there's no one around during the week time, if I binge and purge- no one knows. If I choose not to eat at all, then no one knows that either.
Lately it's been fine- because I feel like if I have 5 great days, then the 2 not-perfect days on the weekend even out. Thinking about not having the privacy of my own bathroom anymore is scary.
I'm still determined though. I want to be down another 6lbs by the 26th (I have to do a weigh-in). and I'd like to be down 15lbs by February 11th (when my mom comes to visit). Those are my goals. I'm crossing my fingers now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Thanks for the comment..
ReplyDeleteI hope all goes well with your husband, I guess its going to be tough trying to hide the ED though..... Does he even have a clue about it? or are you worried if he finds out the shame might overwhelm you... If he's a decent guy he'll stay and support you.. sounds like he will x
Good luck with your goal weights coming up and not having your privacy this weekend Smaller. I liked the Thinspo of the day :).
ReplyDeleteJayne- he knows that it's been an issue in my past. As far as since we've been together though (almost 6 years), he doesn't know it's been something I'm still dealing with. We're both military, so we've spent more time apart than we ever have together. By the time we'd dated for a year, then been married for 4 years, we'd only been together (as in in the same place) for like 14 months.
ReplyDeleteI know if it comes out though that he'll support me. I also know though that if he knows that'll mean some kind of recovery program- and that means that EVERYONE will know. I don't think i'm ready for that.
Thanks for the comment potts!