My life feels like a horrible country western song. First, last month I threw out my back. Then, last week our puppy died. I thought things were finally looking up when after months of trying my husband and I found out that we were expecting our first child. Well, when it rains it pours and it's obvious that God is punishing me for something.
I woke up this morning to find that I had a miscarriage. I spent four hours at the hospital, and although the doctor was really sweet, it took all I had not to lose it in front of everyone there.
I hate being emotional in front of people. I hate people knowing what's going on in my head at all. It was so hard to walk out of the hospital, let alone the ob area, seeing women everywhere either pregnant or with their newborn babies. I just wanted to stand up and tell them all how I hated them and that they weren't any better than I am just because they were able to keep their pregnancies and hold their babies in their hands.
That's why I love blogging so much. I can say the things here that I can't say out in public without feeling like a crazy person. So, in the spirit of saying all the things on here that I can't say in public, here it goes: I hate you skinny people, I hate you pregnant ladies, and I hate that I'm not you.
Well, they say that bad things happen in three's, so here's to hoping this is the end of the bad stuff for me.
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Smaller I know you must feel like you are being punished but you are not. I wish I knew what to say all I can think of is that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a crazy person you are a wonderful person and these are natural feelings.
Tinadee